Cycle

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I love the night

But I am afraid of it too,

Because memories return

When darkness crawls – 

Unforgiving, unrelenting, cruel memories.

Like tonight.

I know it would be hunting until the first light.

Mocking, torturing, and shredding my insides.

Laughing at the fire that is burning there,

The way the light flickers by just seeing it.

Smiling viciously as the burning dims and dims

Until it gives into nothingness,

Until the coldness seeps into my very being

And I’m left alone with nothing but memories –

Whispering the secrets of past

And the pain of yesterday.

Lingering in the dark

As I’m trying so hard to start the fire.

Hearing the disapproval

As it behold the sight of my pathetic hands trembling,

My lips wobbling and my knees giving up.

And as I’m so close

Into breaking and shattering into tiny pieces –

It would stop.

No, it won’t break me wholly.

“Not so fast”, it says

“Not yet”

And then it’s gone.

And I am to gather every parts that fell,

To mend every wounds it inflicted,

To start the fire and keep it burning,

Until it returns

And the cycle continues …

As it ends me slowly.

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