I love the night
But I am afraid of it too,
Because memories return
When darkness crawls –
Unforgiving, unrelenting, cruel memories.
I know it would be hunting until the first light.
Mocking, torturing, and shredding my insides.
Laughing at the fire that is burning there,
The way the light flickers by just seeing it.
Smiling viciously as the burning dims and dims
Until it gives into nothingness,
Until the coldness seeps into my very being
And I’m left alone with nothing but memories –
Whispering the secrets of past
And the pain of yesterday.
Lingering in the dark
As I’m trying so hard to start the fire.
Hearing the disapproval
As it behold the sight of my pathetic hands trembling,
My lips wobbling and my knees giving up.
And as I’m so close
Into breaking and shattering into tiny pieces –
It would stop.
No, it won’t break me wholly.
“Not so fast”, it says
And then it’s gone.
And I am to gather every parts that fell,
To mend every wounds it inflicted,
To start the fire and keep it burning,
Until it returns
And the cycle continues …
As it ends me slowly.